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I never thought this would be the first post in the year 2009. But I couldn't help. I couldn't and still can't get myself into thinking positively at this juncture of life. Things are so bad that I now see a plus sign made up of two negative signs. I couldn't stop myself from pouring out the things bothering me at this most depressing time in my life and there is no one who can really understand and help me out. I feel as if I am trapped inside a dark room. I can see the light coming in through the door which is slightly open but I cant reach it. I want to get out but something is holding me back. I don't know how the world will be outside that door but all I know is that I hate the dark room and I want to leave it.

I hate it all. I hate everything that is happening in my life right now. Every bit of it. I hate it when I wake up and open my eyes to find the same sad room I sleep in, in Pune. I hate the walk I need to take from my house to office with the din of motorcycles and the stench of pollution accompanying me. I hate to enter the posh and sophisticated 8 floors building I call office. I hate to sit at my desk with people all around me continuously blabbering crap and faking a British accent every time they are on the phone. I hate to go back to the box I live in with not an inch of privacy and roomies who are totally not my kind, they are nice.. mind you.. but not my kind. I hate to go to bed after the unpalatable dinner I have everyday. I hate my work. Somehow I don't understand why everyone around me acts as if they are writing a code which can prevent a genocide from happening. I just don't care. I don't care what goes live when. I don't care if someone else's program fails in production when I am supposed to. I don't care if a query takes 3.45 sec to finish when it can be optimized to 2.98sec. I say 'yes' to anything my TL says without actually listening to a word because everytime she speaks I just hear "blah blah blah... blah blah blah". I draw cartoons on Paper cups during team meetings. The only thing I wonder about when I see bar graphs in meetings is whether the colors used for each bar matches well with each other(not that I hate graphs, I just hate the petty things IT makes graphs for). I simply don't care and I somehow can't help it. IT is just not the right place for me. There is no one who seems to understand my problem. People seem happy here. My friends put in at least 12 hours a day in office doing this shitty work.

I now regret every decision I took in my life since childhood. I now realize what all I could have done and can't be done now because its too late for that. I blame my parents for telling me only about "IIT", MBA, MS and MBBS when I was a kid and not about other streams being interesting too. I blame myself for being indecisive when I was in 10th. I blame all Middle class families for their mentality of making their kids go for either Engg or MBBS and securing a "Safe job". No wonder our country has the highest number of IT and call-center employees. This mentality is just turning all talented people in our country into "English-speaking low-wage Software coolies".

This post is my desperate plea to all who visit my blog and those who accidently visited this blog, to help me get any job other than IT and I promise I will give you half my first month's salary (the higher the salary is, the more you get ;) can be negotiated too). An NGO with little pay or a temp IT job in Mumbai or Bangalore will also do. Atleast one of my problems (staying in Pune) will be solved. Just tell me about the vacancies. Do anything but get me out of this god-forsaken place. I am done living this "so-called" independent life.