I have always been a 'proud' atheist until recently. I am still an atheist but not sure if I am still 'proud' about it. Yes I am indeed proud about that fact that I am a 'Rationalist' but unfortunately atheism has more cons than pros these days. Anyway before I starting rambling about it let me give you some background information.I was born in a typical south Indian orthodox god fearing family. As a kid like every other kid I grew up worshipping god without questioning why my parents did so. I am not sure if I used to think a lot but I remember questioning the rituals in temples at a very early age. As far as I can remember I decided to turn into an Atheist inside a temple. Slowly in my teenage years I started questioning everything - the tradition we follow, society practices, beliefs, etc etc. I felt great. I felt enlightened in the non-spiritual sense. I started looking down upon those who held those beliefs. I started looking for logic in just about everything. It worked perfectly fine for a while but least did I know that this thing I was proud of would eventually turn into a liability.
People may have blind faith on various things like a god idol, a certain traditional practice, a lucky charm, a talisman or anything for that sake. But what they get in return is the confidence, the peace of mind, the reassurance, the will to take more challenge, the concentration, the discipline and a direction in life. It gives them the strength to face the world and a "Purpose" to live. What does an atheist do for all those? Who should he turn to when he needs that comfort to move on from his depression? How is he supposed to get that feeling of stability? How is he supposed to get that peace of mind? Should "Purpose of Life" make any sense to him at all? In all who should he turn to when the tiniest ray of hope inside him fades into darkness?
I am slowly realizing that life is much tougher to live without a blind faith. An atheist has to deal with loneliness and hopelessness at some point in his life when he just feels like drowning and desperately tries to reach out to something to hold on to. He tries to hold on to logic but alas logic only tells him what can possibly happen based on probabilities and refuses to tell him what he would like to hear. Logic is ruthless unlike 'God'. Logic is no friend of ours. Logic doesn't hold our hands in times of need. Logic is a never dying evil. It will not let the atheist hold on to God because it will keep telling him that God doesn't exist. Now this is where the worst part in an atheist's life comes - when logic tells him that his logic is going to be of no help and this very same logic is going to hold him back from reaching out to God.
Life either seems to be in a dead end or a vicious circle. Oh how much would I love to feel secure just by holding on to a talisman. How I wish I never grew up continuing to believe in fairy tales. If only 'Living' was that easy. But nevertheless I am still a proud 'Rationalist'. I will continue this never ending quest called life no matter how difficult it gets. Someday if I ever meet 'God' I will thank him for making me the way I am. :)
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