bell the kitten instead

Those who gave CAT this year might have understood why I used KITTEN in place of CAT. I've always had a profound respect towards the IIT and IIM entrance tests. They are among the very few exams in this world which are "tough" and which can really "filter" out the best-top-geniuses from other ordinary people. CAT is supposed to be known for its very tough Quantitative and Data Interpretation sections but this year's Quant and Reasoning were shockingly simple. Any person who has a decent IQ (and is not stupid enough to assume that CAT papers are always error-free and doesnt end up wasting time on a question with wrong options) could have cleared the cut-off. The verbal section was hard.. weird rather. Heres a question from the verbal section. We were supposed to select the most appropriate concluding sentence:

In the evolving world order, the comparative advantage of the United states lies in its military force. Diplomacy and international law have always been regarded as annoying encumbrances, unless they can be used to advantage against an enemy. Every active player in world affairs profess to seek only peace and to prefer negotiation to voilence and coercion. However,

(1)diplomacy has often been used as a mask by nations which intended to use force.
(2)when the veil is lifted, we commonly see that diplomacy is used as a disguise for the rule of force.
(3)history has shown that many of these nations do not practice what they profess.
(4)history tells us that peace is professed by those who intend to use voilence.
(5)when unmasked such nations reveal a penchant for the rule of force.

Lets analyze the options seperately. In the 2nd option its said that diplomacy is often used as a mask by nations which mean to use force. Wait a second, but isnt that the 1st option and the 5th option as well. Lets see what the top coaching classes have got to say on this. According to IMS and TIME the answer is 2. According to Career laucher its 1 and according to Career forum its 3. Only god knows what the actual answers is (and the IIM paper setters too). This time CAT is not going to select the best ones but only the good ones who also got lucky. In all it was a total disappointment.

Analyzing dreams

"Dreams are but interludes that fancy makes...
Sometimes forgotten things, long cast behind
Rush forward in the brain, and come to mind."

-John Dryden

Enter the mystifying but yet fascinating world of dreams where the rules of reality do not apply. Some say dreams are just wishes our heart makes while some say dreams are postcards from our subconscious, inner self to outer self. According to Sigmund Freud dreams are an interaction between the unconscious and the conscious where the unconscious is the dominant force.

I've been a sound sleeper since my childhood and am still one. Nothing in this world can or rather has been able to (till now) affect my everyday sleep. So does that mean I am a "sound dreamer" too?. I dont know. One of the earliest memories of my dreams I have is of being chased by tigers and sharks. They werent exactly scary but trust me, you dont wanna know about it. Dreams I see now-a-days are more... say.. sensible, unrealistic yet sensible (atleast I no longer fight with sharks).

Sometimes I jump out of a tall building and start flying, gliding rather. Sometimes I fall onto the ground and actually feel the impact too. I once dreamt of myself sleeping and having a dream (weird!!).And once I was IN the game counter-strike (Ah! that was cool). 80% of the nights I dont dream at all. Actually 80% of the mornings I dont recall the dream I had the previous night. Its good in a way. Its good to wake up with a blank mind considering that you are going to spend the next 15 hours with some or the other thing invading your mind. But Sigmund Freud says otherwise. According to him dreams shouldnt be ignored, rejected or even suppressed but should be "accepted in its own right - not broken down and analysed out of existence".

Just a few weeks back I had this dream in which I was drowning. It was dark and cold. The freezing water kept pulling me inside. I was trying hard to fight against the stormy waves. I remember someone giving me a hand and pulling me out of the water. According to a dream interpreter drowning signifies being overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that is coming back to haunt you. ok..ya I do have issues. Small, normal, everyday issues, but they dont exactly "haunt" me. Yet this whole dream interpreting thing is worth a shot. But the more you brood over it the more complicated and philosophical it gets. I am happy with just the thrill of it (the dreams I mean). Its not everyday that you get to wake up with a chill going down your spine.

Heres a piece of information that might come helpful. According to a certain Dream Interpreter If you dream of eating frogs then you will find very little to gain in current relationships and associated love affairs. Whereever did he get the idea from??

Priceless Delights

Playing your Playstation on your flatscreen TV- Rs.1,20,000
Playing Hide-and-Seek with your cousins on a sunday afternoon- Priceless

Dominos Pizza with extra cheese and topping- Rs.205
Thayeer sadam(curd rice) with Appalam made by your grandma- Priceless

Going for a new horror flick to a famous Mulitiplex- Rs.300
Listening to your friend narrating a ghost story on your night-out- Priceless

Buying an international brand T-shirt in a big shopping complex- Rs.850
Bargaining with a street vendor for a so-claimed branded T-shirt- Priceless

A box of fresh ripe alphoso Mangoes- Rs.350
Climbing the mango tree in your school playground and eating the mangoes with your friends there itself- Priceless

One full-day trip to Water-Kingdom theme park- Rs.1200
Walking in heavy rain and getting completely drenched- Priceless

Joining a sports complex for playing a game every weekend- Rs.650/month
Playing football with your friends on the neighbourhood swampy ground- Priceless

Going for trekking taking an official tour guide with you and staying in a 3-star hotel- Rs.4500
Going for a trekking unplanned, getting lost in the woods and spending the night in a remote farmhouse garage- Priceless

Indeed...
There ARE many things that money can't buy...

My Music collection

First of all the statistics... My E: drive has a capacity of 17.7 GB out of with 13.9 GB (excluding the 6.2 GB songs I lost due to a malicious virus attack) is filled with music, music and only music (Courtesy - My Bro). Of the 13.9 GB, Rock Songs (Including Nu-metal, Heavy metal, alternative rock etc etc) constitutes 7.91 GB , Pop comes to 2.86 GB and Hindi and Tamil songs takes up 1.11 GB. The rest has Rap, Trance, Soundtracks and Theme songs. Thats one heck of a collection according to me. So I decided to make my own Music collection. I spent one full day sorting out the collection and burning my favourites into CDs and designing CD covers. Here are a few of the CD covers that I designed....

That's the way the cookie crumbles...

I flip the faded pages of my life
I see my memories play like a film without sound
An enigmatic smile escapes my face
Yeah! Life is indeed very strange

How beautiful was the time of youth
Full of passion and desire, yet unwilling to mature
when fantasies could make me fly and
even the smallest hug could allay my fears

Evening walks, Linkin Park and topicless discussions
took over Crayon scribblings, cartoons and swings.
Desperate housewives replaced The little mermaid
and Chocolates are no longer ambrosia but poison-made


Why can't I rely on falling stars to take away my worries?
Why do I have to fret when life turns left instead of right?
Why do I have to wear a mask and hide away my pain?
Why has life become a game, where you either lose or win?

The hazy future ahead keeps daunting me
If only that same hug could drive away my fears
If only I could turn back the hands of time
I guess... Thats the way the cookie crumbles.

Friends... Till the very end

At a time when I thought Mumbai was
no place for a shy girl like me
You proved it wrong by
being the nicest friend to me
I thank god for the day I met you
for I realized how lucky I got to be

When I turn back the pages
of my small book called life
I see how we enjoyed our walks in the rain
despite all that storm and strife
I see how you made my cake of life
get sweeter and sweeter slice by slice

It was the artist in you
which brought colours to my pages
It was the generous supporter in you
which gave me hope and saved me from the damages
It is the pure and tender heart in you
which I know will keep us together for ages

Thank you for teaching me
the definition of a true friend
People like you are very rare to find for
I know you are one whom only god can send
You've always been the special side of me
and will always be till the very end.

(I dedicate this poem to a very special friend of mine - Neeta)

10 things I wanna do before I die...

1. Own a huge black monstrous SUV, probably a land cruiser and take it for a loooooong drive on a rainy day and also drive it inside a dense forest..( will remember to keep the money ready for the repairs.. :-))

2. Go to Europe every year for a month's vacation and visit every place from Valencia in Spain to Venice in Italy to Vienna in Austria.

3. Spend one full day lying on a deserted Hawaii beach listening to my mp3 player, reading a book and sipping wine.

4. Climb the tallest snow mountain in this world....sorry.. got too excited... a small moutain with snowy peak will do.

5. Buy original CDs of all the latest hit movie releases and watch them on my home-theatre system sitting on a Dual-Arm Dual-Incliner and never go to a cinema hall.

6. Get married the christian way.. ( I am a Hindu btw... hope my parents are not reading this..)

7. Learn the most beautiful language...French thoroughly and also buy a few fake French paintings.

8. Do something Illegally atleast once in my lifetime.. (no no.. I dont wanna go to jail... I heard they stink..)

9. Quit my job on a monday morning.. ( Assuming I have enough money to do all the above things.. yeah enough money to get myself out of jail too in case I get caught..;-).. )

10. Keep making lists of the next 10 things I would wanna do before I die...

Iron maiden - a 30 year old beast

Well..I am not a great fan of Iron maiden or anything.. but I somehow feel that their lyrics are very strong and profound.. something you wont hear these days...

Iron Maiden is an English heavy metal band from London, formed in 1976 by Steve Harris. It is one of the most successful and influential bands in the heavy metal genre, selling over 70 million albums world-wide. The name of the band came to Steve Harris whilst watching a movie adaptation of "The Man in the Iron Mask", named for the medival torture device. Iron Maiden has achieved international fame with its distinctive style. Their blend of heavy metal, highly melodic riffs, and intelligent lyrics has become instantly recognizable. The band is also renowned for their down-to-earth and genuine approach towards their music, their impressive energetic stage shows and their openness with fans.

Below given is the lyrics for a song called Invader from the album 'The Number of the Beast' (1982). This album was a world-wide success providing definitive songs such as "The Number of the Beast", "Run to the Hills" and "Hallowed by thy name", considered by many to be some of the best metal songs ever written.

(Source- Wikipedia)

INVADERS

Longboats have been sighted the evidence of war has begun
Many Nordic fighting men their swords and shields all gleam in the sun
Call to arms defend yourselves get ready to stand and fight for your lives
Judgement day has come around so be prepared don't run stand your ground

They're coming in from the sea
they've come the enemy
beneath the blazing sun
the battle has to be won
Invaders ... Pillaging
Invaders ... Looting

Set ablaze the campfires alert the other men from inland
Warning must be given there's not enough men here for a stand
The Vikings are too many too powerful to take on our own
We must have reinforcements we cannot fight this battle alone

They're coming over the hill
they've come to attack
they're coming in for the kill
there's no turning back
Invaders ... Fighting
Invaders ... Marauding

Axes grind and maces clash as wounded fighters fall to the ground
Severed limbs and fatal woundings bloody corpses lay all around

The smell of death and burning flesh the battle weary light to the end

The Saxons have been overpowered victims of the mighty Norsemen

You'd better scatter and run
the battle's lost and not won
you'd better get away
to fight another day
Invaders ... Raping
Invaders ... Plundering

Reincarnation - a short story

"I bet it’s a girl" Sumeet said hazily staring at the sky.
Smitha smiled as she removed the packed eatables one by one from the picnic basket.

Smitha was three-months pregnant with their baby. Sumeet had decided to take a break from his work and go for a picnic with his wife for a day or two. They chose a serene place with a river which was around 6 hour drive from their house. On a bright sunny day they packed a few stuffs hurriedly, hopped inside the car, turned on the music and drove to the place they had been planning since the past one week.

“What do you think we should name her?” Sumeet asked still staring at the sky.
“I thought about it one day. If it’s a boy, we will name him Sujit and if it’s a girl, we will name her Kiran. Sweet and simple. Isn’t it?” Smitha replied.
“I know. We will name her Nayana, meaning eyes, because she’ll have beautiful eyes like you have.” He turned sideways and looked at Smitha straight into her eyes. For a moment he felt as if he saw the whole world in her eyes.

Just before dusk, everything suddenly became dark. The sky got completely covered by black clouds. It was totally unexpected. Sumeet had checked the forecast that day. The papers had never mentioned any possible showers.
“When has the newspaper ever been right about the weather” she said with a told-you-so look on her face.
“But- But the monsoons not until 3 weeks from now. This must be one of those pre-monsoon showers as they call it.”
“I don’t know what they call it. All I know is that we now need to wind up and head back to the city.” She said as she started packing the uneaten foods back into the basket.

After they were done stuffing everything into the car, he started driving back to the city. It started raining very heavily. The wipers tried hard but couldn’t make much of a difference. The headlights were dim too. And all he could hear was the sound of trees ruffling against each other in the rain. He drove fast so that they could reach home as soon as possible. After 2 hours he felt thirsty, so he turned back to take the water-bottle from the basket.
Smitha suddenly screamed, “Sumeet, Truck..NO”.
Even before he could make some sense out of it, he heard a loud noise and a very bright flash like he had never seen or heard before. Few minutes later he was lying there on the ground trying hard to move but couldn’t. After some time he heard something which sounded like sirens. He closed his eyes and collapsed.

Sumeet opened his eyes and found himself in an emergency ward. He started recollecting everything one by one. The picnic, dark clouds, rain, a scream, bright flash. He remembered all. The doctor entered the room.
“Hello Mr.Sumeet, How are you feeling now?” The doctor enquired.
“Whereas my wife? Her names Smitha. Where is she?”
“I am really sorry Mr.Sumeet but we couldn’t save her. It was too late. I am sorry”
He lay there on his bed the same way he was lying near the river on their picnic. The only difference was he was staring at the blank ceiling this time and not the sky. Tears trickled down his cheeks.

“I am Dr.Kapil, Is there anything that I can do for you?” the doctor asked.
“I don’t want her to die, doctor”
“Mr.Sumeet..huh…But..”
“Doctor, I want to donate her eyes and other organs. Can I do that?” he said firmly.
“You surely can Mr.Sumeet” the doctor replied.

Weeks passed by and the monsoons finally arrived. Smitha was right. The newspapers were always wrong with their forecasts. One rainy day he stayed at home from work because he was down with flu. Reluctantly he got up and went to the hospital. As he waited in the hospital outside the doctor’s room, he saw a small pretty girl pass by. The girl looked at him and gave him a beatific smile. There was something in her that made Sumeet wonder. Dr. Kapil was passing by and saw Sumeet standing.
“Hello Mr.Sumeet, What brings you here?”
Kapil caught him staring at that small girl.
“Do you know her?”
Sumeet nodded.
“Well..you should, In fact you have the right to know about her. She is six years old and she was born blind. But now she can see the world through your wife’s eyes. Smitha’s eyes were given to her.”
Sumeet couldn’t believe his ears. He knew it. He knew that some part of Smitha would still be alive.

He drove back home and somehow he felt very happy that day. Next morning he took the teddy bear he had once bought for their unborn child, hopped into his car and drove to the hospital. He asked Dr.Kapil and went to that girl’s room. As he entered her room he saw her staring at the rain hitting against the window glass. Something she was seeing for the first time.
“Hi, I am Sumeet, I have a present for you”
The girl turned, “Aren’t you the uncle I saw yesterday?”
“Yes I am” and smiled.
He kept the teddy bear beside her and asked, “Whats your name dear?”
“Naina”.

Books and Life

I am not a big philosophical books fan or anything. In fact i dont like anything that is philosophical. I am a typical 'sheldon' or 'grisham' type books reader. I used to think only murder and conspiracy stories make up novels.

But just a few days back an uncle of mine gave me some of his books to read. There were a couple of Massimo Manfredis (one who wrote the Alexander trilogy), a couple of Richard Bachs (totally philosophical), The present by Spencer Johnson (the author of Who moved my cheese) and another couple of Autobiographies. The first thought that came to my mind after I saw the books was-- Are these really novels?? I read a few paras from each book to get an idea of what it is. Though philosophical or historical, they did look like stories. So I decided to give it a try. I took a thinnest book of it all. That was Jonathan Livingston seagull by Richard Bach.

In that book the reader is first introduced to Jonathan Livingston Seagull, one of many gulls belonging to some kinda gull colony where the gulls spend their time fighting for scraps of food and bread. Jonathan Seagull, instead of fighting and stealing food from human boats like all the others, spends his time practicing to fly, something he is really interested in. He doesn't understand the practicality of such monotonous day-to-day activities. Rather, he attempts to perfect his flying abilities. Eventually he becomes the first gull to reach terminal velocity at 214 miles/hour. The other gulls kick him out of the colony and makes him an outcast. He still decides to live alone and go on with his dream of flying the first aerobatics of any seagull on earth.

Well.. Though different people may take different messages from this book, the story is pretty simple and clear.Here are a few lines from the book which actually made me think about my own life--

--"How much more there is now to living! Instead of our drab slogging forth and back to the fishing boats, there's a reason to live! We can lift ourselves out of ignorance, We can be free! We can learn to fly!"
--"You can go to any place and to any time that you wish to go," the Elder said. "I've gone everywhere and every place I can think of." He looked across the sea. "It's strange. The gulls who scorn perfection for the sake of travel go nowhere, slowly. Those who put aside travel for the sake of perfection go anywhere, instantly.”

Am I too not one of those ordinary seagulls which doesnt bother about flying but thinks only of food. I think I am. After all I am just one among those millions of students who go to some god-forsaken college, spend their time travelling to and from college and reading magazines during lectures, slogging one day before the exam and finally pretend to be satisfied with the marks. Thats what I've been doing since the last 17 years. And if all ends well I might just end up getting into some typical job and enter the next stage in my life filled with drudgery. I know that there are myriad other options that I can go with but I also know that I will leave all those when I get a chance. Now I have turned into one of those losers who do nothing but whine all day thinking about the way their life is going.

Well.. Having learnt a lot from this book, I was almost about to change the way I used to think about philosophical books until I read the latter half of the book. Here are some lines from it—

--"We can start working with time if you wish," Chiang said, "till you can fly the past and the future. And then you will be ready to begin the most difficult, the most powerful, the most fun of all. You will be ready to begin to fly up and know the meaning of kindness and of love."
--"I don't understand how you manage to love a mob of birds that has just tried to kill you."
"Oh, Fletch, you don't love that! You don't love hatred and evil, of course. You have to practise and see the real gull, the good in everyone of them, and to help them see it in themselves. That's what I mean by love. It's fun, when you get the knack of it.”

DUH!! What the heck was he thinking?? Well.. I take my words back. I am indeed better off with books with mysteries and conspiracies. But I now know that there is much more in a novel than just murders and detectives and beautiful heroines. I've also learnt that there is a lot to discover in both: books and life.

Temporarily unavailable...

If you are a regular visitor to my blog and if you are expecting a post....Please dont.. coz My exams are just over the edge... and I am at home all day trying to make some sense of subjects like "Probability and Random Processes" and "Electronic Instrumentation"... Will be back soon.. meanwhile enjoy the cartoon strips....

( Click to enlarge )

Is there a way out???

I want to cry
Cry my heart out
and shed seas of tears that are tearing me apart
I want to stand in an endless rainfall
to hide my tears, coz they refuse to dry

I want to run
Run till the end of this world
over the mountains, deserts and oceans
I want to runaway from the blitz of reality
which has ruined my fantasy world

I want to talk to myself
Talk and confide to myself
in a hallowed place within my heart
I want to ask those spiteful questions
that echo inside me, whose answers I fear

I want to listen to silence
Listen to the deafening sound of silence
that can speak volumes
I want to lock myself
within the walls of nothingness around me

I want to sleep
Sleep forever and never wake up
coz I fear the blurred vision I get up with
I want to dream under my lonely eyelids
and turn reality into just dreams

Tell me
Is there a way out???

lifes' an abyss

I fall into the raging swells of the dark,
furious sea like an inept plunger
I feel freezing water enwrap me
swallowing me, drowning me, twisting me
pulling me into the fury of darkness below

I try desperately to break out of the dense swamp
I claw furiously at the heinous waves above
It impels me to the surface only to gasp a single breath
A gasp and I plummet downward into an abyss again
I feel the pain acknowledging my own panic

I work frantically against the gravity of the whirlpool
I try to see and perceive with my blinded eyes
I pray god, the silent observer, the uninvolved observer
Separated from the events but yet knowing all
Show me light, give me warmth, grant me peace

The sky lights up like an early dawn
and bestows upon me rays of hope and assurance
I break the surface, convulsing on top of the sea
I finally feel it, an object that moved with the sea, not sure though
I hold it and it drifts me to the silence of darkness...

do movies really inspire???

As a child, I grew up watching all sorts of patriotic tamil and hindi movies....Well ..to say...50% of movies were usually romance movies filled with scenes of hero running around trees behind the heroine....and the remaining 50% were patriotic movies which showed how the hero saves his country from the fists of terrorists, disables a bomb and rescues his mother and lover from the villian all at the same time, thus preventing a collateral damage... Other type of patriotic movies included exposure of the corruptions dominating our country, showing the hero fighting against it asking for justice with a 'moral of the story'-like message in the end...

Every so often Bollywood produces a rare gem like Rang De Basanti, a film that broke the mould by offering something more sophisticated than the standard musical melodrama. The movie successfully weaved historical facts with contemporary themes and characters. The strong performances from the ensemble cast was brilliant, all of whom were totally convincing as disillusioned youngsters learning the importance of personal sacrifice for the country...

Now comes the big Question...Do these movies really inspire??? I didnt see any riots against the corrupt politicians after the release of the movie....Neither did I see any movement started by group of students or the so-called future citizens of India...All I see is unnecessary riots against the theme or poster or name of the movie.. and that too even before the movie is released... So what is wrong with we people??? Are we afraid to sacrifice our lives for the betterment of our nation??? Wait a second.... Before that... Are we first ready to risk our college seat or job or something even smaller for that?? let alone risking our lives....

When our college suddenly started charging exuberant fees illegally, we did try to stand against them, tried talking to the management, had meetings and everything.. but moment the college said they wouldnt let us write our exams if we went on with it...we all backed off.... No one did anything against them henceforth... Are we such cowards??? I think we are.... The government employees of Chennai backed off from their stike when they were kicked off from their jobs by their chief minister and went back begging for jobs...These are just two examples that I have come across in my life... The actual list is a mile long....

What is democracy if we cant ask for justice without the fear of a backlash? What kind of system is this where justice is punished? Its time for us to stop being scared, to stop hiding behind the walls of anonymity, to stop fearing the ramifications of our fight, to stop tolerating all the injustices happening to us and speak up if we feel we are justified....

AGAIN (a poem by Teal Henderson)

If when you wake up in the morning,
And the hurting is go great,
You dont want to get out of bed
And face a world of hate.

If everything in life goes wrong
And nothing you do seems right,
You just try a little harder
And soon you'll see the light.

For every person who has put you down
And filled your life with pain,
You must strive to achieve greatness
And show them you can win.

For every disappointment,
For times you are let down,
There will be a better moment
And your life will turn around.

Because evryone feels heartache
And everyone feels pain,
But only those who have true courage
Can get up and try Again.

--- Teal Henderson

My last day as a teenager

Today is my Birthday...my 20th birthday... well..all I can say is ..Life is indeed on the fast lane... I am officially an adult today... Cant believe I am out of my teenage years even before I know it... Its sunday today..and I have nowhere to go... Thought I would pen down the feelings I had during my teen-years... (Some of the phrases were stolen from the Chicken Soup book I got as a prize for coming first in 11th std.. this was the only thing I used it for :))

Have you ever felt old enough to make a choice,
Relying completely on your inner-voice,
But, still young in many other ways,
Wanting a shoulder to cry on, during your tough days?

Have you ever felt old enough to pack your bag and go,
Wanting to see the world, refusing to forgo,
But, still young to want to stay at home,
Concluding the fact that you are just frolicsome?

Have you ever felt old enough for heart-felt pain,
Trying to be matured even during enormous strain,
But, still too young to find a cure for the blight,
Crying yourself to sleep at night?

Have you ever felt old enough to fall in love,
Wondering if its pure, trying hard to prove,
But, still too young to understand,
Whether this is real or a fantasy land?

Have you ever felt old enough to strive for reality,
Wishing your dreams to be fulfilled by your ability,
But, still young to sit beneath the stars,
Hoping for Angels to wipe your tears?

And now I sit here, awkward, unsure and half-baked
Trying my way to becoming something great
On my last day as a Teenager......

In search of a perfect gift

"What shall I give him?" I ponder
To make his natal day unforgettable
To see those stars dance in his eyes
"What exactly is a gift?" I now wonder

Its certainly not just sauntering into a gift shop
And walking out with a wraped parcel
Nor is it just watching them say thank you
And give a plastic smile which will ultimately stop

"What is it then?"Is it something that can make you adrift
just by hearing those thousand thank-yous
expressed by his eyes? Yes it is, it indeed is
I then start my venture, In search of a perfect gift

I try to speculate a list of those things he adores
Those he is obsessed with, those he craves for
Books, Planes, Tom clancy, Horoscopes, Souvenirs
With the list in my mind, I inspect all the nearby stores

"No not this, Please look for that particular one"
I beg the shopkeeper, forcing him to hunt all corners
He gives a disapproving nod uncooperatively
Not giving up, I move on to the next store alone

"Yep, Thats the one" My face lightens up
As my search finally comes to an end
"Gift wrap it" I say with a sense of accomplishment
I wait for the D-day as I fall onto my bed with a belly-flop

"Happy Birthday" I say as I hand him the shiny present
I see him hide his impatience and unwrap it neatly
I stand there doubting whether he will cherish my paltry parcel
Infront of his sis's four-figure gift that looked ornately brilliant

The doubt vanishes the moment he looks into my eyes
Its true, His eyes did say a thousand Thank-yous
With a rapturous smile he embraces me warmly
I pray God, not to snatch from me this moment of pure bliss

Life aint easy

Gone are those days when I used to make separate notebooks for every subject I had, when I used to look at the blackboard, when I used to listen to every sentence our prof taught, when I used to take down notes...
Slowly it degraded to making one notebook for every three subjects, looking at the blackboard after every 10 minutes, listening to only those profs who were strict and demanded attention and taking down only the points written on the blackboard...
and NOW....
I make one notebook for all the subjects. I dont know where the blackboard is hung in our class... I dont understand the language spoken by our profs... and I seriously fail to understand the strange symbols written on the board.. let alone taking down notes...

I dont know whether this is natural....but over the past few years I have learned to be an Autodidact.... and I prefer it to be that way... But life aint easy with it...

Well..it happened a couple of weeks back.... I was late to college as usual... (The college starts at 8:30 and I leave my house at 8:40).... Students who are late are made to stand outside the gate for one hour (something wierd to be done at a college level)... but I somehow managed to sneak in past the gatekeeper.... I consider that as a talent of mine...

My first lecture was TV and video engg. ...we call it TVV.. The prof was already there..obviously.... I really didnt want to go in... at the same time I didnt want my name to appear on the blacklist. So I reluctantly opened the door and asked, "May I come in, ma'am"...
She turned her head and looked at me... which made all other heads turn in my direction.... I felt awkward but stood there looking at her awaiting for a reply... She chose to let me in than to castigate infront of everyone....Good for both of us...

I walked in ignoring all that stares and searched for a seat to sit.... One bad disadvantage of being late to college is that you are left with no choice but to sit in the first bench.... It was clearly visible that only the first benches were untenanted.... Not giving up I kept looking... and noticed that there was one second bench where Vishy was sitting alone... I went and sat beside him..

I settled down...took out the only book from my bag and hunted for a pen... It was only after 2 minutes that I realised I never bring a pen to the college... Without asking for permission, I picked Vishy's pouch and took a pen from it.... I guess I was all set to write... but write what??? I looked at the board hoping to find something to copy.... All I could make out was that an alien from another planet had managed to enter our class and scribble something on the board.... I then decided to pretend to write something.... So I started drawing a scenary...

I suddenly started feeling that the time had stopped.... The hands in my watch werent moving....I took my eyes off my watch and continued with my scenary.... As I was trying to 'add life into my painting', Vishy came closer to me and whispered something into my ears... It was about the latest Eminem album 'Curtain call' . He said he had the CD... This was something worth talking about... I couldnt resist but ask him more about the songs... While the conversation was going on, our prof stopped talking and looked at us.... We quickly moved apart and contiued to pretend to write something.... She resumed her teaching... May be she again chose to keep quite and save her time than to castigate infront of everyone....

We waited till she turned back to the board... The moment she turned we resumed our talk about the best known rapper... He started telling how splendid the lyrics were and also sung a few lines... This whole thing was getting very interesting and I couldnt help but get closer and imbibe every word he was saying verbatim... We could see that she was again giving us vicious glances intermittently... We continued to pretend that we were indeed copying down everything from the board and everything that she was dictating... Least did we know that neither of us was a consummate actor...

As the talks on how the voice of Dido and that of Eminem blended in a song called 'Stan' was going on.. I heard something that made me feel as if a migraine just hit me... "I want to see both of your notebooks after this lecture" She was looking at us with those same monsterous eyes which are worse than basilisk's eyes... I looked down into my notebook and all I found was a half drawn scenary and some lyrics of Eminem's song.... I was happy to see that I had managed to copy down a few sentences she dictated but the handwriting was worse than an alien's...I started thinking of what to do next to escape from this whole thing... May be I can tear these pages off and copy down 4 pages of diagrams and notes in 5 minutes..........May be I cant... I sat there cursing every person I met that morning... Why didnt I catch fever last night?? Why didnt the gatekeeper catch me sneaking?? Why did she let me in the first place?? Why did I sit with Vishy?? and last but not the least.. Why did Eminem make such a wonderful album??... I knew that wasnt all.. I braced for another reprimand...After she was done with that day's lecture, she opened her file to take down the attendence... As she was flipping through the pages, she looked at us and said, "Its not a rule that you have to copy down everything I say, but you too have been talking continuously through out the lecture"... I gave out a sigh of relief.... atleast she wont check our notebooks...Now I can finish my scenary...sigh...
But as I said... Life aint that easy... The trouble didnt get over with that... She turned vindictive..
"Ok..tell me...Why are surrations added to vertical sync pulse?"
In english please..
Our silence exuded the fact that we had no clue about it...
"Dont know" We muttered under our breath..
"Ok..Check your notebook then.."
"I didnt bring my notebook today"..Vishy said..
"What about you?"
I hunted for a better excuse but decided to stick with the same
"I forgot to bring my notebook too" As if I had one....
I could see electric shocks coming out of her eyes... She then started taking attendence.. I was not going to leave it that way... I kept thinking for a better excuse... Something striked me... I told Vishy we could tell her that we were talking about our 4th year project and that we had problems going on with our group... He agreed..

When she left the class..we followed her and called out "ma'am"..she turned back... Vishy rambled on and on with that excuse of mine... She kept staring... It was so apparent that we were lying...I knew this canard would be useless... and she knew that... Darn..we just made things worse... Me and my ideas...
"I didnt expect this sort of behavior from you guys...If I dont see you two talking about your project during the break..I am going to punish you"
I tried to muster some words for an apology..i tried to show my feeling of penitence... but decided to stay with... "I am sorry ma'am".. How insipid....She left without saying anything.... which said everything... like "you guys are going to suffer" , "wait till I give you your termworks", "you will suffer eternal perdition" etc etc....
I turned back and started walking towards my class ... What a day.. Why dont they let us do whatever we want? It's a democratic country afterall...I was tired of Drudgery.. Life would be heaven if all lectures were self-study type especially for an autodidact like me...

A Vacation I missed

Couldnt resist writing this after reading four enormous blogs written by a friend of mine about his trip to a small placid place called Kihim. (Wonderful article perfectly written with hell lotta pics and GRE words in it...:-) ) For him the vacation trip was a 'home away from home' but for me it was a 'home still in my home'.... if you didnt get any of these you need to know my story..

Its a tradition in our college to go for an industrial visit after the 5th semester exams. Not any ordinary IV but a trip which ranges from 2 days to 7 days...(mind you...its just called Industrial visit for namesake..actually its anything but an Industrial visit...)

My class started deciding for the IV ever since the beginning of that sem. We had a poll on which place to go for the IV... 95% voted for GOA.. (Goa???..Industrial visit??? Industries in Goa??? huh!!!!! ..If beaches and bars were considered as industries..Then Goa could be an ideal choice for the IV..)..The other 5% voted for places like Kerala, Bangalore and Hyderabad. But obvious GOA was made final...

Having never gone for such a trip with my friends before..I desperately wanted to go.. Getting permission from my parents was not a problem at all... Naveen took responsibility and arranged the whole trip for us.. On the last day of the sem he came to all of us individually and asked whether we were coming for the trip... I waited for my chance to say 'Yes'... but before I could do that Mehul came and told me that no one from their group (yes...we have groups in our class) would be going because they (lets name them the 'first benchers') thought they cant have fun with the p-k group (A group which stays away from our group both physically and socially) as it would be better if we plan our own trip and not go to goa with them.... I stood there speechless not knowing what to do.. I thought for a minute and actually felt that mehul was right.. I never liked that p-k group too... but wait a second... my other friends (lets name them the 'last benchers') are going too.. so what do I do???

Not knowing whether to say yes or no.. I asked Vishy.. He couldnt come up with a possible solution... I gave another thought about it and decided to say 'No'...( A decision which I still regret).. The 'last benchers' came to know about that and few of them took the pain to call me up and tried to force me to change my decision.... I didnt want them know that I wasnt coming because I would be going to some other place with the 'first benchers'..That would be pure treachery... So I lied.. I told them that I had to go to my native place with my parents ( this wasnt a complete lie..though...I indeed had such plans.. but that was way after the trip...they never coincided).. They stopped pestering me after that...

The exams started and I buried myself into big engineering books...Even after all that tension I couldnt help dreaming about the trip I would be going after the exams... ( We will do this ...We will do that...) I inserted conversations about the trip when I called up my friends on the pretext of asking doubts.. I tried giving ideas of places where we could go... This showed how excited I was... I couldnt wait for my exams to get over... Nothing could go wrong... NOTHING..

Days flew by..(not so easily though) and the last exam came... Got screwed up big time.. I made myself calm down after knowing that everyone else screwed up too... and then as usual after the last exam we went to a restaurant to eat something... The 'last benchers' went to a place called ghatkopar and the 'first benchers' went to chembur.. I decided to go with the first benchers.. On the way I got a call from Kinnar asking me to come to ghatkopar.. As usual I made up something and didnt go.. (Lying became an integral part of my life)..In the restaurant, after everyone was done with the imprecating of paper setter..we started the topic of our trip...

Aditya suddenly turned his head..looked at me and said "Hey..you cant come....Its an 'All Boys Trip'" Those three words made my heart sink...(What do you mean 'All Boys Trip'???? I didnt give up the Goa trip for nothing!!) I sat there speechless, not out of happiness but out of confusion... I didnt know what to say..I could have started an affray..an irrefragable argument... but I didnt..There was no point... Good bye..beaches..Good bye.. beach resort.. Good bye..Wine (Yes..I was planning to taste wine)...and Good bye..Vacation...

Even after that I didnt give up...(May be it was only Adi's crazy idea...may be others didnt feel the way Adi did)..I waited for someone to call me up and ask me to come to the trip with them... I ended up just waiting... and sitting at home watching everyone else go on trip to scintillating places.. And to make things worse..Kuresh and Kinnar who went to Goa kept messaging me about the marvelous time they were having there and Vishy who went to Kihim called me up one day even before I woke up and started telling me what terrific time they had the day before on the beach... I could do nothing but sit on my bed incapacitated, listening to them having the time of their life..... There was nothing I could do...NOTHING

This was indeed a vacation I missed or should I say 'messed'..
Moral of the story:- ........ (Is there one???)

Gem in Junk

Most of times I ignore the numerous forwards that fill in my inbox like bullets from all directions... courtesy :- The unlimited storage space of my gmail account... But just yesterday I read this amazing forward and felt as if it was a gem in the junk..

This forward would have made Nelson Mandela proud of what he did to this world..It goes something like this...

When I am born, I am black
When I grow, I am black
When I blush, I am black
When I am cold, I am black
When I am sick, I am black
When I die, I am still black

BUT
When you are born, you are pink
When you grow, you are white
When you blush, you are red
When you are cold, you are blue
When you are sick, you are green
When you die, you are grey

AND YOU CALL ME COLOURED!!!!!